I usually think of ‘being eldered’ as an admonishment. But I heard a Friend minister recently, how, during a coughing fit during Meeting, he went to leave the room in search of respite. But an elder appeared with a glass of water for him. He was, reported the Friend, being eldered.

The ministry came during a session of the Europe and Middle East Section of Friends World Committee for Consultation annual meeting in Bonn last weekend, where the theme was ‘Midwives of the Spirit: accompaniment, nurture and discipline through eldership’. Returning home, I arrived late at Meeting on Sunday night. As I stopped to gather myself in the hall, a friend opened the door to the worship room and looked out, saw me and left the door ajar. When I entered the room, she gently pushed the door to.
Later, another arrival entered the house and again my friend played the role of greeter and doorkeeper. The late attender, seeing a free seat sat down nearest the door. My friend had lost her seat but gracefully chose another.

From greeting, to doorkeeping, welcoming and later finding the right moment to close the Meeting, these are the small acts that make up our world and for many are their main experience of Meeting for Worship. There are bigger issues that elders of a Meeting face, of course – much effort behind the scenes to act in our collective best interests.

In our daily lives we sometimes give extra effort to big events such as anniversaries, welcoming Friends into membership and also to surviving major challenges. And the special occasions might form our distinct memories. But it is in the everyday, the mundane actions like greeting an attender at the door, that we build up our thoughts and feelings about people and places. It is easy to say that as Quakers we treat each day with the same value and act with the same integrity in it but the practice takes effort and our actions can become stale when they are routine rather than motivated by love.

The practice of eldership, whether by people appointed to the role or simply by those who consciously act it out or ingrain the practice in their everyday action, has a major, though often silent, effect on the experience and perspectives of worshippers. From first time attenders to the most experienced ,the eldership of the Meeting is crucial. Getting it right is essential for all of us.