Wrong kind of silence
Why is it that even though really intelligent people can see what is wrong with society, it never really changes?
Two thousand years of women being treated like beasts of burden, passed from father to husband in a ceremony which is said to be ‘romantic’. All the education in the world has been unable to eradicate the idea that women are inferior, in every way, to men.
Couples still long to have a son because girls are just not good enough.
Jobs with responsibility are always given to a mediocre man in the office instead of the talented and imaginative woman.
At some Quaker Meetings I have attended, only the men seem to ever offer vocal ministry, their wives sitting patiently and listening to these wise words, while they wait to speak regarding only the more mundane aspects of a Meeting, such as the condition of the library, or the upcoming events.
Why is this? Why do women walk in the shadow of their husbands, seemingly afraid to have a mind of their own?
Because to behave otherwise, is seen as unfeminine. Nobody wants to be accused of being ‘butch’ or ‘wearing the trousers in that relationship’.
This is, in my view, a great pity.
It means that rather than being silenced, women are silencing themselves.
The patriarchal nature of our society is very damaging for men, also. They are expected to be ‘provider’ types, made to ‘man up’ at a very young age, and discouraged from using what is an extremely important pressure valve for human beings, shedding tears.
With suicide rates for every age group increasing at a very alarming rate every year, we need to ask ourselves not ‘What is wrong with that person?’, but instead ‘What is wrong with Society?’
Blaming individuals for their distress leads to thoughts of self harm. Instead of encouraging people to trawl the internet trying to find out what is wrong with them, it is our duty to point out that society is killing people, and needs to be changed.
Anne Marie Brian
Historic Meeting houses
As Yorkshire Quakers move toward a single Area Meeting charity, I have been reflecting on the quiet role of our listed heritage Meeting houses. These places across the country are more than historic buildings. They hold a depth of worship shaped by centuries of faithful presence.
During the FIFA World Cup, we see everywhere the familiar football pattern of pentagons and hexagons – the hexapentakis form. It is one of the most stable structures in nature. Its lesson is simple: hexagons alone create flatness; pentagons create curvature and coherence. Both are needed for a living whole.
As our governance structures are becoming increasingly hexagonal – centralised, efficient, compliant – I see our heritage Meeting houses as the necessary pentagons: places where the heritage of our spiritual life still curves inward and deepens.
As we reshape our structures, may we also tend the places that hold our spiritual roots. They help us remember what we are for.
Cindy Metcalfe
Peer mediation
I agree with Dave Roberts (Letters, 19 June) that it is important that children and young people be equipped with skills and more careful approaches to managing conflicts.
The Quaker Peace & Social Witness (QPSW) report on the importance of relational education (‘Peace at the Heart’) makes a clear case for the vital work of integrating a peace pedagogy directly into schools, empowering young people with conflict resolution, and relationship building skills (see https://www.quaker.org.uk/documents/peace-at-the-heart).
The Bristol Peaceful Schools Project is a small-scale Quaker operation, offering year-four children at local schools six sessions of peace education; peer mediation training is offered in year five, preparing the children for becoming peer mediators themselves, supported by trained school staff.
Our work is funded by Bristol Area Meeting, and relies on volunteers giving time to receive training and support from colleagues in QPSW. We had hoped to raise income from the schools, but this has proved difficult within cash-strapped school budgets.
Our work is very well received and evaluated by participating schools; our challenge is accessing the schools in the first place. Successful approaches include links provided by Quaker parent governors, and academy trusts spreading the word, but it is slow progress, especially when school leadership changes. Staff are already overcommitted in efforts to provide good SATs and OFSTED results. We must continue advocating and demonstrating how a pedagogy of peace and relational education can help deliver on those priorities, and increase the wellbeing of pupils and adults.
QPSW’s research, training and advocacy for the work is essential, especially with Department for Education and teacher-training organisations. Time gifted by volunteers, supported by Quaker Meetings, enables our work to happen.
All children need and deserve the opportunity of a relational education, including, but not only, those who attend Quaker schools.
Helen Chambers
Further to Dave Roberts’ letter, peer mediation is not restricted to Quaker schools. As a mediator in Scotland I am aware of initiatives in many more. The Peer Mediation Network says: ‘Peer mediation is most common in primary schools, but there are a growing number of secondary schools introducing schemes.’
A new report written by the Civil Mediation Council with the help of Quakers in Britain was launched in November 2025. The report presents up-to-date evidence of the impact of peer mediation, and makes the case that training in it is not merely a ‘nice to have’, but an initiative that needs to be embedded as standard practice in schools across the country.
The report highlights the impact of peer mediation in schools. Let’s hope that a new generation of children will share their skills with adults!
Daphne Wassermann
The right technique
Jonathan Wooding’s article on Aldous Huxley (‘Brave, the elements’, 12 June) was fascinating, thank you.
It is thought that the character James Miller in Eyeless in Gaza was partly based on Frederick Alexander, originator of the Alexander Technique, with whom Huxley had many lessons. In the novel, he says: ‘Miller then gave me a lesson in use of the self. Learning to sit in a chair, to get out of it, to lean back and forward. He warned me it might seem a bit pointless at first. But that interest and understanding would grow with achievement. And that I should find it the solution of the video meliora proboque, deteriora sequor [I see and approve the better course, but I follow the worse] problem: a technique for translating good intentions into acts, for being sure of doing what one knows one ought to do.’
And the Alexander Technique has much in common with Quakerism! I love finding these connections.
Sandra Riddell
Spiritual accompaniment
Spiritual accompaniment, as described in Noel Staples’ article (‘Work in progress’, 19 June), is a huge help. I really benefit from my discussions with my Roman Catholic director. I’m delighted that Quakers are now turning to it, and that the new scheme will open it up to more of us.
Beth Allen
Joy rider
I am left almost speechless by Anne M Jones’s article (‘Joy rider’, 19 June). It is so deeply moving, spiritually.
While we pray for peace and toil for peace and justice, I hope the Book of Discipline Revision Committee reads it and considers.
Steve Petter
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